hay.. eto nanaman. nakita kta. ewan ko ba.. i always have mixed emotions every time i see you. i have to admit… im never ever NOT happy to see you. maybe its because of the closeness that we have.. or how u act around me, or maybe there might be something there too.
i remember the last conversation that we had.. when u openly admitted how u felt… and how i was dumbfounded after u did.. its not that i don’t know.. or never expected u to say that.. but its the fact that after all these years.. u finally did… after years and years of denying it.. eventhough u always act like you do.. and though the conversation ended there.. honestly… i regreted not saying anything. and when i finally found the gutts to open up the topic after a few days.. u acted as if.. its not a big deal.. well maybe its not to you… but then… it was to me. but i didnt push the topic coz as expected.. u dodged it and that was my cue to stop.
but i dont know… once in a while… i would remember that conversation… and it would make me smile.. maybe coz its flattering to know that someone felt that way about me.. or maybe.. its been a while since someone did that… or maybe on the other end of the screen… there’s someone who maybe.. a little bit.. feels the same way..
but as always… its never the right time for us.. back then.. i had a boyfriend… and now… im in a place right now that i am happy where iam.
i wanted to say a lot of things to you.. i wanted to ask u some questions.. but my nerves got the best of me.. so i decided that some things are better left unsaid.. and convinced myself that it’s not the right time nor place or that ur no longer that into me, so i acted as if im w/ “just a friend” although we both know that we’ll always be more than that to eachother but time and circumstances never allowed us to go beyond… sucks right? but as they say… “there’s always a reason for everything.”
so there u go… our day ended… and nothing was cleared up… i didn’t get the answers that i needed.. coz i didn’t ask the questions. that is so me!
maybe im scared? maybe im not ready for the answers.. maybe if i get the answers that i need… i wouldn’t exactly know what to do w/ it.. so i think i did the right thing.. i think more than anything … the reason why i didn’t ask is because in someway… it might be just for self gratification..and that would be selfish. what if u told me that ur still into me?? would i say.. that i feel the same way? what if u told me.. u want to see and find out if the two of us might be right for eachother or not… would i say “that’s a good plan?” or “let’s have a go at it?” honestly i don’t know. and i might risk breaking ur heart again… and i would never want to do that ever again… maybe what happened was for the best…. i think?
but for what its worth… what im really sure of is… ur a great guy.. hands down…. one of the best guys i know actually.. and whichever girl u will end up with in the future… would be really…. really… sooooo lucky to have you. 
but there’s a part of me that says… if u were able to finally admit now… how u felt for me back then… after years and years of denying…. shrugging the question… then maybe… now.. more than ever…. you’re finally over me…. and if that is the case…
im not sure how i feel about that either??
